Zhen's CottageIndulge in Reminiscence 

Forget abt that particular unhappy incident. There's 1 thing at least to be happy abt for the day!

More and more things coming up for this sem. I really need to take a breathe somewhere out there. And i guess it shld be this.

I received INSTEP's offer! Im allocated to Fudan University. Shanghi~ Yea it's my ideal place to go to in china for studies. And fudan is indeed a good sch too.

Shanghai left me a good impression when i went there last time during immersion trip. Although it lasted barely for 3 days, but i love the weather, the night sceneries/lightings, and most imptly shopping!

I've always wanting to go back hangzhou, there's this deep deep feeling for it. Cus it's like a 2nd home to me, if i were to compare hall life in ntu, i think time back in zucc holds more than this definitely. Poly life is simply irreplacable! 4 in LuV shld know this feeling. There's this special affection for hangzhou.

This is my bright side of it.

But actually when i 1st saw the mail, it hit me with surprise with "you're offered a placement, pls checked your....". Alright i saw this in my ntu mail, it din mention which sch i was allocated. And i've no time to check studentlink atm, cus gonna rush for tv pract.

As i mentioned in my previous post, i only listed 2 choices for application. The 1st one was peking uni, blur blur chose wrongly the option which is only applicable to cs students. (Mine shld be under fee-paying for chs students) . So im auto ineligible for the 1st choice. Only left with the 2nd one, it left me guessing could i have gotten fudan. But there's only 1 placement left for next sem when i applied. I thought i wun get it. And im still hoping tat if i cant get anything, i will be invited for 2nd round, then by the time, i could re-choose peking uni, cfm can get cus got like so many places opened for chs students.

Yet, it ended up this way. 我想是注定的。我和北方无缘。

I gotten the place which i longed to go. 天南地北天差地远，天气就是一大问题，食物也是。I cant even rem the speciality of peking's food, i think the only thing i felt it's worth to eat is the peking roast duck. The rest i only rem it's bad. 讲到口味，南方的比较适合我们，毕竟我们是南洋人！Haha. 杭州对我来说是个值得纪念的地方，而且我超想回去回味一下的，这么靠近上海。还有我的横店影视城，我梦寐的古装。那时候选择没去，超后悔的。这下也有可能实现了。

有天时、地理，就是少了人和。

要是没人陪我去的话，或是没有志同道合的朋友，再美的地方，想做的事情，会不会就此报销。有些事还是不能一个做，这样就不好玩了。

My worries are i've to be alone overseas, can i really manage? Well, im considered independent for work, but when it comes to personal life, i definitely need accompanies. Think im too used to it, as im seldom left alone.

我是个不能压抑的人，有事就要说出来，不管对谁，至少要有一个人听我发泄，一起分担，听取意见。不然整个人会很down，down 到一个境界时，心里的空洞会变深渊。

If i accept, gotta submit application/reults, apply hostel, book tickets. So many admin stuff to do. Unlike poly "bao ga liao". And if no other ppl from my course gg with me, i will have to find my way to fudan when i alight from the flight all by myself. 我是路痴耶，一定迷路迷惨了。

我是蛮想出去走走透透气的，我已经放弃过一次香港交换的机会了，现在拿到想去的，再错失的话，好像太不应该了。等到明年有人陪，也不是绝对的，期中变数也不知道。

I think i will have to find out whose going besides me first. Anyway if i wait for next round, it will be dur my yr 3 sem 2, isnt it abit too late. I could make friends that's true. But wat if im so unlucky din get to find ppl with same frequency, i cant possibly go shopping myself rite? Dilemma again. Im always facing to prob of making choices which i hate to.

Tv pract ended super duper late today la. 4 hrs of live studio recording, taken longer than expected. It shld be a within 2 hrs thingy. It extended to like 9pm then ended. I dun even have dinner lo. Inside the control room, all i could say is "Hectic". Cus the cher just threw us in there after allocating the roles. We dun even have time to practise and so i have to take initiative ask the seniors tv pract heads inside. Some are really nice and patient ppl. But there's this one whom irks me.

Im doing sound btw, basically to state it simple it's just to on/off the mics. It sounds easy, yea it is. But sometimes it can be tricky when if timing goes wrong. Cus there's this presenter talking then when she finished her last line, i will have to off her mic and at the same time on the other button [sound for the VTs (footages)] on the panel. This is pretty alright after i get used to it. Fyi, VTs are made up of the diff segments compiled tgt, like im doing tech, then there are news, food, movies.

And then suddenly in btw there's this clip came out with the sound exceeding range, i was shocked too. This senior came n questioned me like why the sound gg off. I din noe that the vol. was so much difference, cus previous vt was softer, so i increased the vol. how on earth could i predict the next one would be tat loud. I explained to her and i did apologised. But she commented in a pretty harsh tone that i dun have to put it so high up, shld have put in lower then slowly increase if it's too soft. Alright im willing to correct my faults, but she dun have to be so attitude right. The tone is like...suck up lo. She even added like: If not it's noise not voice. Wat the...

Some ppl just have the arrogant aura. Come on la, experience so wat. Shld have shown more patience to teach. 1st try leh. That's why they are there to lead us mah.

Anyway im really super shag today, cant stay focus at all esp it's almost 12 hrs non stop of lessons n work for me. 8.30am morning lesson, yest i slept late cus doing my 204 ppt. Then after tut, went for tuition (so no nap for me) then straight after tat rushed down for tv pract. 9pm...This was the worst. Im still 奢望ing could faster go off catch some rest.

Tv pract ended super duper late today la. 4 hrs of live studio recording, taken longer than expected. It shld be a within 2 hrs thingy. It extended to like 9pm then ended. I dun even have dinner lo. Inside the control room, all i could say is "Hectic". Cus the cher just threw us in there after allocating the roles. We dun even have time to practise and so i have to take initiative ask the seniors tv pract heads inside. Some are really nice and patient ppl. But there's this one whom irks me.

Im doing sound btw, basically to state it simple it's just to on/off the mics. It sounds easy, yea it is. But sometimes it can be tricky when if timing goes wrong. Cus there's this presenter talking then when she finished her last line, i will have to off her mic and at the same time on the other button [sound for the VTs (footages)] on the panel. This is pretty alright after i get used to it. Fyi, VTs are made up of the diff segments compiled tgt, like im doing tech, then there are news, food, movies.

And then suddenly in btw there's this clip came out with the sound exceeding range, i was shocked too. This senior came n questioned me like why the sound gg off. I din noe that the vol. was so much difference, cus previous vt was softer, so i increased the vol. how on earth could i predict the next one would be tat loud. I explained to her and i did apologised. But she commented in a pretty harsh tone that i dun have to put it so high up, shld have put in lower then slowly increase if it's too soft. Alright im willing to correct my faults, but she dun have to be so attitude right. The tone is like...suck up lo. She even added like: If not it's noise not voice. Wat the...

Some ppl just have the arrogant aura. Come on la, experience so wat. Shld have shown more patience to teach. 1st try leh. That's why they are there to lead us mah.

Anyway im really super shag today, cant stay focus at all esp it's almost 12 hrs non stop of lessons n work for me. 8.30am morning lesson, yest i slept late cus doing my 204 ppt. Then after tut, went for tuition (so no nap for me) then straight after tat rushed down for tv pract. 9pm...This was the worst. Im still 奢望ing could faster go off catch some rest.

我本以为会尴尬，其实也还好。我的感觉...只有好奇吧。至于其它感触，没有。会把我的事告诉她吗，还是当粉笔擦掉。我还蛮想知道的。

最熟悉的陌生人，就是这种感觉吧。没有任何眼神交集；没有互动；没有谈话。一句话也没有。是在避忌什么吗？失望不是因为那个原因，而是连最基本朋友的交际都无法保留。是种惋惜。

值得安慰的是，人始终会成长渐而接受现实，大家都学会不再停留，继续往前走。很庆幸，我没有成为负累。没有承诺，就得放开。我想我早就看透了，也看开了。

让一切画上句点。

我本以为会尴尬，其实也还好。我的感觉...只有好奇吧。至于其它感触，没有。会把我的事告诉她吗，还是当粉笔擦掉。我还蛮想知道的。

最熟悉的陌生人，就是这种感觉吧。没有任何眼神交集；没有互动；没有谈话。一句话也没有。是在避忌什么吗？失望不是因为那个原因，而是连最基本朋友的交际都无法保留。是种惋惜。

值得安慰的是，人始终会成长渐而接受现实，大家都学会不再停留，继续往前走。很庆幸，我没有成为负累。没有承诺，就得放开。我想我早就看透了，也看开了。

让一切画上句点。

Feeling lost. Im still not in study mood. And there seems to be so many things going on and coming up. Besides the lagging of readings for all modules, there's projects to do, presentations to prepare...要的时候没有，现在全部通通都有，感觉又好像太多了。

Oh and my 21st birthday party in another 2 wks time, pretty fast. Why do i wish that my birthday wun come so soon. Weirdo me, 1st time got this kind of feeling, hoping to postpone my birthday. Haha.

Then in oct, moving hse. Have been looking forward to it all along. But im worried i have no time for all these. So many projects/presentations/reports due in oct, average 1 per week when i come bk from the 1 wk break. Oh n there's some tests too. Week after week...everything squeeze tgt in that period of time. Haiz, maybe it's just not the right time.

上个星期六的晚上，回到家没事干，坐在沙发独自发呆，不知道为什么，突然开始发慌。想起好像很多东西得做但又提不起劲儿动手完成。那种心慌，感觉像是...跌落谷底，爬不上来，很无助、很可怕。脚软手软。思绪很乱，心里很空。

I tried diverting my attention to my fav. hk dvds in order to get out of this "emptiness" feeling. Haha. It always work w/o fail. 只有沉浸在我的港剧里，我才可以暂时什么都不去想、不去理。虽然有逃避意味，但是至少当下享受看戏的我是充实的。不至于心慌慌。

But i just finished the only one left hk drama i have in hands. Anyone got shows to lend me? Im addicted. Heex.

通常大家都以为难过的日子，时间应该过得很慢。但回想起来，怎么好像enjoy的日子感觉上，经历的时间还比较长，也许是够丰富吧。日复一日，单调的日子就只是一天一天地过而已嘛。谁说煎熬是漫长的。时间过得快，不代表充实。而是更快面对行刑。

我什么都不想做。

Feeling lost. Im still not in study mood. And there seems to be so many things going on and coming up. Besides the lagging of readings for all modules, there's projects to do, presentations to prepare...要的时候没有，现在全部通通都有，感觉又好像太多了。

Oh and my 21st birthday party in another 2 wks time, pretty fast. Why do i wish that my birthday wun come so soon. Weirdo me, 1st time got this kind of feeling, hoping to postpone my birthday. Haha.

Then in oct, moving hse. Have been looking forward to it all along. But im worried i have no time for all these. So many projects/presentations/reports due in oct, average 1 per week when i come bk from the 1 wk break. Oh n there's some tests too. Week after week...everything squeeze tgt in that period of time. Haiz, maybe it's just not the right time.

上个星期六的晚上，回到家没事干，坐在沙发独自发呆，不知道为什么，突然开始发慌。想起好像很多东西得做但又提不起劲儿动手完成。那种心慌，感觉像是...跌落谷底，爬不上来，很无助、很可怕。脚软手软。思绪很乱，心里很空。

I tried diverting my attention to my fav. hk dvds in order to get out of this "emptiness" feeling. Haha. It always work w/o fail. 只有沉浸在我的港剧里，我才可以暂时什么都不去想、不去理。虽然有逃避意味，但是至少当下享受看戏的我是充实的。不至于心慌慌。

But i just finished the only one left hk drama i have in hands. Anyone got shows to lend me? Im addicted. Heex.

通常大家都以为难过的日子，时间应该过得很慢。但回想起来，怎么好像enjoy的日子感觉上，经历的时间还比较长，也许是够丰富吧。日复一日，单调的日子就只是一天一天地过而已嘛。谁说煎熬是漫长的。时间过得快，不代表充实。而是更快面对行刑。

我什么都不想做。

Ok, to continue my story for yest. Just as I was abt to end work yest at info, i received another call from the agent telling me that the mum decided to engage me back for tuition. He told me tat the mother was trying to 讨价还价, so it's all a misunderstanding.

But i was really pissed off with that woman, so i insisted to quit. He pestered me for 15 mins kept on persuading, in fact i felt as if i was been forced to teach. Hello im not obliged to teach her kids, i have my rights to choose. I told him my point was since the parent doubted my abilities, why not jus forget it and find another better(in her pov) teacher for her kids. 我才不稀罕，好马不吃回头草，更何况是毒草。而且那女人把我当什么，呼之则来，挥之则去。门儿都没有。我又不是要靠那200块钱开饭。这是原则问题。

The agent explained tat it's all a misunderstanding, and put on the blame on himself instead of the mum, saying tat it's all his fault to have convey the wrong msg. I know. He's just trying to salvage his commission. I dun blame him, im jus pissed with the mum. Anyway i just tell him to simply find another one for this family, but he said he has been helping her to find for 2 weeks plus and it's hard. Of cus la, with this kind of parent, haiz. It's definitely not easy.

Something sudden happened this afternoon when i was abt to have my lunch. When i sat down with my food, i received a call from an unexpected person. Guess who? It's the 2 kids' mum, she actually called me to ask if i could stay on teaching her kids. There's another version of the story. She said she's not sure wat happened btw me and the agent, and why i din wan to continue anymore. She's using a pleasant tone btw. Act blur lo, i dun believe she dunno wat she has said. I mean couldnt be the agent anyhow say finding trouble rite? Ppl still wan to earn a living one.

I told her that since she has doubts in me, so im willing to just give up this tuition. Im fine with it. She then said in a pleasing tone:"哎呀，你读到大学而且是中文系，怎么可能不好？我觉得你很不错啊！"

Then she went on and on persuading me to stay. Like...the agent cant find others, already dragged for 2 wks plus...her kids like me cus no generation gap... previous teachers are middle aged aunties so very naggy towards the kids...bla bla bla...

早知今日，何必当初。

我并不是吊起来卖。只是觉得不服气，咽不下那口气。那15mins的说尽好话和她的好声好气显然是因为有求与我。说到底，I still dun quite believe her. It's all crap. 谁知道她是不是双面人。讲一套，做一套。如果哪天她发神经，又找我麻烦，我岂不是吃力不讨好。


虽然她只是为了讨好/敷衍而说出那番话，但是我心里还是有爽到，因为是她要挽留我，是她先低头而不是我。其实，过了一晚，火气也全消了。而且她打来，我感觉是讨回了一个公道。坦白讲，在通话中，曾有几秒钟被动摇，考虑要补回。因为那两个小孩华文程度并不差，一点就明，还蛮好教的。If not cus of the mother, shld be quite an easy task.

Anyway i ended the conversation by replying tat i need some time to consider and will have to contact the agent for the final arrangement.

Jus as i was thinking if i shld take bk this job, i received another call from other agency. I've gotten a new assignment, teaching a korean teenage gal basic chinese. $30/hr somemore. 不用说，我当然是另谋高就了！都说了东家不打打西家。而且"价高者得"本来就天经地义。Lol.亏那女人还嫌贵，受不了。

这个教训告诉会我们不要鸡蛋里挑骨头，没事找事做找碴。